It’s All A Mental Game

28 11 2012

Since I’ve been introduced to the world of memes, I have come to the realisation that some of the weird things that I may have done as a kid (and some that I continue to do) may not have been that strange after all. One of my favourites was seeing a kid climb up a door frame like a starfish. Another memorable meme was where he covered himself in his quilt and all ‘mmm, so protective and cosy’, but then was like ‘hmm, getting a little stuffy in here’ before eventually creating a small gap through which to breath better. One thing all of these and other various examples that I can’t think of right at the moment is, other than having a bad memory, my parents lied. And so did everyone else’s. We are not unique. Because it’s on the internet and had so many likes on Facebook, that means that somebody else out there did it too as did all those who ‘liked’ it.


So I’m not the only kid that did this?


In my head that was meant to make the perfect transition to what it was that I wanted to talk about, but it doesn’t appear to have turned out that way; or has it? Because I’m going to share something that I wonder if anybody else in the same situation does.

If you haven’t picked it up yet (I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it previously), but I’m a guy; and a socially awkward one at that. If at this point you think that I am trying to gain sympathy points, then, whatever; but it’s true, I have trouble meeting new people. This time two years ago though, I had no such inhibitions. I would happily talk to anyone who was a someone. I like to think this kind of shows when I was coming home on the train one day and may have got talking to a millionaire. Who was in his late 40s. And was gay. And may have tried to hit on me by bribing me.

It pains me every time I see a picture like this.

Anyway, I now have fear meeting new people because a few experience have come back to bite me on the arse big time. In my head, as I’m sure we all are, I’m a pretty laid back kind of person who can do anything. I don’t know how this translates into body language though. Because I am socially awkward, if I know something big, even relatively big, is going to happen, I play out all possible scenarios in my head. I kind of practise speeches that I may or may never have to deliver.

One such scenario was what would happen if I ever got a chicks number. In my head, I type the number in my phone, offer her my number and go home making no big fuss about it trying to play it cool. In reality this is never going to happen, right? Well, that’s the weird thing, I don’t know if it did or not. No matter how much I ‘prepared’ for this, I would never have seen it coming the way that it did.

(*Fast-forwarding to the end* – ed.)

So here’s this chick that I’ve known for less than an hour; I’d helped her out with some stuff for uni and said ‘see you round’, only for her to come back and give me her number. By the time I’d realised what just unfolded she’d gone again. The best bit (without trying to sound demeaning in any way) is that I did play the ‘cool’ card. I simply put the number in my phone, the piece of paper in my pocket and went back to what I was doing. Internally though, the smile lasted all that day. Eventually I found out she had a boyfriend and thought ‘I’m now confused as f*ck’.

This isn’t the only thing I’ve planned though. I’ve planned how I was going to react at the footy when my team won (unfortunately that hasn’t eventuated yet). What I was going to be like at my year 12 formal when I won that award that people told me I was going to but never ended up being an award for. How I was going to effortlessly exaggerate and be able to answer multiple questions when I had to deliver that speech tomorrow. Also how I was going to contain my excitement and be all like ‘yeah, it’s all right I guess’ at Summernats and the likes.

It’s alright, but…

I also imagine what each of these posts is going to be like (that’s called a draft, you bell end – ed.) I do a lot of planning but not a lot of it is necessary. I even planned how I was going to contain my emotions when I bought that $250 dollar book a few weeks back. I thought to myself, ‘don’t look at the book until he hands it to you. Just imagine you’re casually catching up for lunch and this is a regular occurrence’. But when I noticed him coming around the corner, one of the first things I looked for was the book in his hand’.

Worlds best poker face

By being socially awkward and wanting things to run smoothly, I plan everything in my head, and because the world of memes has taught me a thing or two about ‘being unique’, this got me thinking, ‘am I the only guy that sits there at night listening to music thinking ‘if this happens, I’ll do that but if that happens I’ll do this’’.

Well? Am I? On my current form, I’m currently predicting what kind of comments you could make and how I will respond to them. Admittedly it’s 5 o’clock and the morning and I’m amazed I’m even writing this (I bet you didn’t plan for that. Oh! – ed.)

It’s at this point that if you are still reading, I would like to say thank you. Thank you for giving me the will power to continue this far and publish my 50th post. (Hold your horses. Don’t forget that I wrote ‘Hello’. And you ‘Trail Run’ was like, one sentence long. Not to mention that ‘Work It Out’ wasn’t much better. So really, that’s only 47 proper posts. Phh, you can tell maths was never your strong point – ed.)



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