Can’t Touch This

So, a school in Victory has banned all forms of contact between the students. This is absolutely insane. I was stunned by this development when I first read about it in the paper yesterday morning.

What is this fun you speak of? And how do you spell it?

My mum works at the local primary school near us and was the person in the best position to comment on this. I asked her what she thought of it and if she thought that it could/would ever catch on down the road.

To cut a long story short; she said ‘no’.

Stop in the name of a boring lecture

To make a short story long, she said that to a degree it is understandable, but there are so many negative ramifications as opposed to positive that all excuses for implementing it would be pointless.

At the school she works at there is a rule that does not allow for students to pick up and lift another student resulting in their feet leaving the ground. I can’t say that I recall this rule when I was there (yes I did go to this particular school, but no my mum did not work there at that time). I understand this rule though, if dropped wrong the student could be hurt.

But beyond this point the ‘no contact’ rule is absolute bollocks.

When you’re a kid, unless you’re an asthmatic or have some other condition, you’re generally full of energy and you need to burn it, right? Well, I know that I was. And one of the easiest ways to use all this energy, and one of the oldest school yard games around, is ‘tag’. This is a perfectly easy game to play, and I am fairly confident in saying that everyone who has had a childhood knows the rules.

But if you attend this school, you are not allowed to play ‘tag’. Oh no, that is unless you fancy a lecture on ‘rough conduct’, and let’s be honest, nobody likes anything that involves the word ‘lecture’ after it. Other activities that students are no longer able to partake in are ‘touch footy’. WHAT?! The staple exercise of the developing boy. So basically, if you follow rugby league and are a fan of Benji Marshall, you are no longer allowed to emulate his skills at school; because someone would be tempted to chase after you and ‘tag’ you.

“So what are you in for?”
“I tapped Darren on the shoulder to tell him not to touch anybody’

I don’t know if this still takes place, it did when I left high school and that was only two years ago, but does this now mean that the students won’t have dancing lessons for p.e. occasionally? Heaven forbid they should ever attempt such a thing, it requires the boy placing his hand on the girls back. I don’t think that too many of the students would complain about this one, but the point still stands.

Another point that was raised was award assemblies. What do you do when a student wins dux of the year? You can’t shake their hand without being lectured or setting double standards. Maybe they could just scrap the assemblies and post out the awards. No?

One last point that was discussed was what to do if a student trips over and grazes their knee. I would have thought that we should be encouraging young kids to help their friends out and get them to the sick bay as best we could. But no, this could land you a detention. Imagine that blemish on a perfect record: ‘Detention in Year 4 for taking little Bobby Brown to the sick bay to get a band-aid for his knee’.

I’d like to help, but, you know, a weeks detention

This is just unbelievable; it’s taking away from their childhood, their sense of development and fun. So for Monday, when the school next goes back, stand out the front of the Principal’s office and give your mate a good old fashion ‘high five’ and stick it to the man, or in this case, woman.

Go ahead, arrest me, it’s not illegal